The bar chart shows attendence of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.

The bar chart shows attendence of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows attendence of people in different ages in music events in Australia in 2006.
The given bar chart compares the different ages of people attending music festivals in terms of three fields, namely, classical,
opera
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, and popular , in Australia in 2006.
Overall
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, the proportion of appearance is popular, followed distantly by classical and
opera
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among the youngest
age
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groups
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.
While
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the classical and popular attendances are the lowest among those aged 55 and above, the figure of
opera
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attendance is at about the same level , apart from average
groups
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, during the whole period.
To begin
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with,
although
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the rate of popular participation is approximately 37, followed distantly by
opera
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with about 13 and classical with just the upper 10 between the 15-24
age
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groups
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.
Furthermore
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, 25-34-year-old individuals,
opera
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is approximately 14%, compared to classical and popular, which are 7% and 26%.
While
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the proportion of
opera
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index is the highest, which is 25, the rate of popular is 34, making it the biggest rather than classical, which is 11 between the 35 and 44
age
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group .
However
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, none of the patterns exceeds 15% between the 45-54
age
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groups
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. The elderly people who are over 55 years old have an experience
that is
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the smallest percentage, which is 5 in popularity.
Additionally
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, the figure of appearance for classical and
opera
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is the highest, with respective figures of 9 and 15.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words opera, age, groups with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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