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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Increasing the prices of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether increased
petrol
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prices
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 are an effective method to solve escalating
traffic
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 and pollution issues. I partly agree that raising
petrol
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prices
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 can help address these problems.
While
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 high
prices
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 may lead to a reduction in
traffic
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congestion
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 and carbon footprints,
this
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 policy
also
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 places a burden on transport-dependent industries, resulting in an
increase
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 in
transportation
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 costs. On the one hand, raising
petrol
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prices
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 has a great impact on decreasing
traffic
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congestion
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, as it places a strain on people's budgets. Spending too much money to fuel their cars leads drivers to seek affordable solutions, encouraging them to use public
transportation
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, which in turn reduces
traffic
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congestion
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.
In addition
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, the usage of public
transportation
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 is likely to improve the quality of the air, as toxic gas emissions decrease
due to
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 reduced private car usage.
For instance
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, in Turkey, many people suffer from high gas
prices
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, discouraging people from using their private cars during their commuting time.
As a result
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, high
prices
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 can have a positive impact not only on reducing
traffic
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congestion
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 but
also
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 on improving the air quality.
On the other hand
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, high
prices
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 have a direct link to an
increase
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 in
food
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prices
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, preventing particularly poor families from feeding themselves. When gas
prices
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increase
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, retailers have to reflect these extra costs onto
prices
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 to make a profit, which in turn raises
food
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prices
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.To illustrate, during Sri Lanka's 2022 economic crisis, sharp increases in fuel
prices
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 led to higher
transportation
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 and
food
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 costs, forcing many low-income families to reduce their consumption of protein-rich foods
such
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 as meat.
Therefore
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, rising fuel
prices
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 can indirectly reduce access to nutritious
food
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, particularly for low-income households. In conclusion, raising
petrol
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prices
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 can be partly effective in solving
traffic
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 and environmental problems, as
expensive
Correct word choice
high
show examples
prices
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 discourage private car use.
However
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,
this
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 policy
also
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 has significant drawbacks, as it can lead to an
increase
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 in
food
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prices
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.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You say higher petrol prices can help, but your essay does not fully say if this is the best way. Add that it is only one part of the answer, and name other ways, such as better buses and trains, car-share plans, or rules on dirty cars.
task response
Give a fuller answer to “best way”. In the last part, say why higher prices alone may not be the best plan: some people still need to drive for work, and poor people may be hurt more than rich people.
task response
The first main paragraph has a small jump from less car use to better air. Add a short reason: fewer private cars mean less smoke from car engines.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer link between the two main paragraphs. For example: “However, this plan can also cause serious problems for people who need fuel for work and food transport.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning clearer. For example, split the sentence about shops adding extra cost to food prices.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea in close sentences. In the first main paragraph, “reduces traffic congestion” appears more than once. Use “fewer cars on the road” the next time.
task response
You give a clear partly agree view in the first part, and you keep this view to the end. You explain both the good side and the bad side of higher petrol prices.
task response
Your examples from Turkey and Sri Lanka are linked well to your main ideas. They help show how fuel cost can affect car use and food cost.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending. Each main paragraph has one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “In addition”, “For instance”, and “Therefore”. This makes the flow easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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