IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers or mall to do their shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development?

In recent years, the rise of large shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 and
malls
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been preferred to small local shops. Many customers rather the big
malls
Use synonyms
 for convenience. There are some advantages to
this
Linking Words
 , and I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development for social and economic issues. To give an example in large shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 have entertainment options
such
Linking Words
 as cinemas, restaurants , and playgrounds
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 attract families and young people to big
malls
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, large shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 can provide a large number of products and services in one place.
This
Linking Words
 opportunity makes it more interesting for customers. And for busy
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is a big chance for shopping in less time. Shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are big and modern
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 makes people attracted to these places.
Secondly
Linking Words
, like these large
malls
Use synonyms
 have negative sides too. Small local
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 have lower prices than big shopping areas , and that makes small
trade to
Check wording
businesses
show examples
 shut down. When
this
Linking Words
conditionhappens
Correct your spelling
condition happens
, they cause job losses and economic issues. Local shopping markets are more friendly than
malls
Use synonyms
, which makes local shop businesses more attractive for families. All in all, large shops and
malls
Use synonyms
 damage local shopping
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
, but each of them has benefits too. My personal thought is that small local businesses provide a more friendly area to customers than shopping
malls
Use synonyms
, and shopping
centres
Use synonyms
 are safer than small
dodge
Fix the agreement mistake
dodges
show examples
. To illustrate, shopping
centres
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more security than local shops in that
malls
Use synonyms
 are larger and have more area
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 pickpockets.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that each work
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 benefits for commerce and negative sides too.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. You mention it at the end, but it is better to state it earlier.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your points better. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and spelling more carefully. There are a few mistakes that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have identified both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction includes a clear opinion about the matter, showing your stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: