IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore, they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at a school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is becoming increasingly common for
children
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 in school and
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
are encouraged
Verb problem
apply
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to watch television because they can learn
the
Change preposition
from the
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 best sources of knowledge
by
Change preposition
through
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 it. In the next
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will give my opinion with statements. On the
one
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 hand,
one
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 key reason for prioritising it is easy to learn for
children
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 from educational programmes.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, visual and audio materials are remembered more quickly and effectively than written texts.
For instance
Linking Words
, if teachers use historical films
instead
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 of texts,
children
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 can comprehend more clearly.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can acquire intellectual capacity faster, and it remains in their memory in the long run. If it were not for utilising
this
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 method,
children
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 would become weary of repetitive tasks more easily.
According to
Linking Words
 the research, the human brain retains 65–70 per cent of comprehension through visual memory. Given that it’s
one
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 of the great ways of delivering information.
On the other hand
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,
one
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 reason why watching too much TV may disturb
children
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 and negatively affect them
.
Verb problem
is.
show examples
 Namely, when
children
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 spend long hours in front of the TV, it can negatively affect their eyes and reduce physical activity.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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 who watch TV for a long time find it difficult to concentrate on their academic studies.
As a consequence
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, their health and educational productivity decline, and their social development decreases. If it were not for using books or handbooks, their mental grasp would dip day by day.
To sum up
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, I completely disagree that television shows because it impact on detrimental effect rather than books.

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task response
Be clear on your view from the start and repeat it in the end.
coherence
Plan the essay with a clear plan: intro with your stance, a paragraph for agreeing and a paragraph for disagreeing, and a strong conclusion.
content
Keep ideas simple and true to your task; use plain facts or examples that fit.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together, like first, then, also, but, so.
content
The writer tries to show both sides and has a clear topic.
structure
There are some valid examples of how TV can help learning when used well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive
  • sedentary
  • limit
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • educational content
  • expose
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • negative effects
  • behavior
What to do next:
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