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Band 7.5

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
These days
due to
 some factors society tends to live in the urban
areas
,
as a result
, a significant portion of people who live in villages have decided to leave their rural
areas
 and move into the
cities
,
consequently
, there is a decrease in the quantities of individuals of who lived in rural
areas
.
This
 essay will elaborate on both the positive and negative impacts of
this
 phenomenon. On the one hand, there are some beneficial implications in moving from rural
areas
 to the
cities
. The people who live in urban
areas
 have many more job opportunities,
therefore
 they might be able to find their desired job and would be satisfied with their career.
for example
, you can set up your own business in the city.
In addition
 to the job opportunities, the students have a great chance to have a high-quality education and study in a prominent school.
Moreover
, the urban citizens have high-quality facilities including malls, sports centers and shopping centers which improve the condition of living.
On the other hand
, moving into
cities
 has a significant negative impact, emigrating from the countryside causes reduced population.
This
 incident could lead to a decrease in the number of farmers. Every country needs farmers to produce crops, fruits and rice so life will be difficult without them. Plus, not only
haven’t
Verb problem
does
show examples
 people the hustle and bustle of
cities
, but
also
 has the greenery scenery which makes it the best place to live.
Finally
, the inhabitants of the countryside have to stay and develop their village. In conclusion, change in the place of living from village to the city has both benefits and negative impacts including providing a better quality of living and education and the lack of farmers in a village . but my point of view is that the advantages of
this
 phenomenon far outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, strive to include more specific examples that directly support your arguments. While general statements are informative, concrete examples add depth and credibility to your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, ensure a more seamless flow between ideas by improving transitions. Consider phrases that link paragraphs and thoughts more clearly, guiding the reader through your argument's logic with increased fluidity.
Task Achievement
In view of Task Achievement, make sure every paragraph contributes directly to answering the question. This involves not only presenting advantages and disadvantages but also clearly stating your stance and explaining why one outweighs the other with persuasive reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
To boost Coherence and Cohesion, pay attention to the consistency of your argument. Ensure that your essay maintains a clear stance throughout, with all points reinforcing your main assertion without contradicting it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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