IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A growing number of people in certain nations are experiencing health issues
as a result
Linking Words
 of consuming excessive amounts of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, governments must levy a greater
tax
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view,
although
Linking Words
 I believe it must be part of a broader strategy to be truly effective.
Firstly
Linking Words
, increasing taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is a practical method to discourage excessive consumption. Similar to how taxes on cigarettes and alcohol have been used to curb their use, a fast
food
Use synonyms
tax
Use synonyms
 could make people think twice before making unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 choices. Higher prices may particularly deter frequent consumption among young people and low-income groups who are most vulnerable to marketing tactics used by fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 a
tax
Use synonyms
 could generate significant revenue that governments could reinvest in public health campaigns, education about nutrition, or
subsidizing
Use the right word
subsidising
show examples
 healthier
food
Use synonyms
 options like fruits and vegetables.
This
Linking Words
 would create a more balanced approach by not only
penalizing
Use the right word
penalising
show examples
 unhealthy eating habits but
also
Linking Words
 promoting better alternatives.
However
Linking Words
, critics argue that
this
Linking Words
 policy may unfairly target low-income families, for whom fast
food
Use synonyms
 is often a cheap and convenient option.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a valid concern, the solution lies in ensuring that healthier options are made more affordable and accessible, rather than abandoning the idea of a fast
food
Use synonyms
tax
Use synonyms
 altogether. When combined with public education and improved access to healthy meals, a
tax
Use synonyms
 could help shift cultural habits around
food
Use synonyms
 consumption. In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of imposing a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
 as a measure to combat diet-related health problems.
While
Linking Words
 not a silver bullet, it can be an effective tool if implemented alongside other supportive measures aimed at fostering healthier lifestyles.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea that is explained clearly. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You could add one more example of a public health campaign to strengthen your argument about reinvesting tax revenue.
task achievement
Try to provide a stronger counter-argument in the essay, showing deep consideration of different views.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow of ideas, moving naturally from one point to another.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: