IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kine of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.

In some countries, more and more
people
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 have
health
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 problems because they eat too much fast
food
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. Some
people
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 think the
government
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 should put a higher
tax
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 on fast
food
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. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, but I
also
Linking Words
 think
people
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 need to take care of their own
health
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. On the one hand, putting a high
tax
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 on fast
food
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 can help reduce the number of
people
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 who eat it. If fast
food
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 becomes more expensive, some
people
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 may eat it less.
This
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 can help them eat
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
food
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 and improve their
health
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.
For example
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,
people
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 may choose to cook meals at home
instead
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 of buying fast
food
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.
On the other hand
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, fast
food
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 is cheap and easy to buy. Many
people
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 are busy with work or school, so they don’t have time to cook.
Also
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, some poor
people
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 cannot afford healthy
food
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, so they choose fast
food
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. If the
government
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 puts a higher
tax
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, these
people
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 will have more problems. In my opinion, the
government
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 can use other ways to help
people
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 be healthy.
For example
Linking Words
, they can teach
people
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 about eating healthy
food
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 or give support to poor families.
This
Linking Words
 way is better than making fast
food
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 more expensive. In conclusion, I think fast
food
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 is a problem for
health
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, but a high
tax
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 is not the best way. The
government
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 should help
people
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 make better choices in a different way.

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task achievement
Include clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your conclusion by summarizing your main points more clearly and strongly.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by agreeing and disagreeing with the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clearly separated which helps with reading.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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