In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kine of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.

In some
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
are suffering from health diseases because of consuming a lot of fast
food
Use synonyms
, and it is argued by some that higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
should be imposed by the government on
this
Linking Words
kind of
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay totally agrees with
this
Linking Words
statement and considers it a viable solution to reduce the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. The most effective solution for
this
Linking Words
delimma is making
people
Use synonyms
buy more to reduce their usage of harmgul
food
Use synonyms
, if a person had known their eating habits would affect them financially they would consider not to buy it anymore, and they will think about other options like healthy
food
Use synonyms
, if society decided to eat better that would reflects on their
overall
Linking Words
health and more advantages will appear in several aspects, like children intellegence,
for example
Linking Words
, in Japan, children who live far from the fast
food
Use synonyms
restaurents have a higher rate of intellegence by 30% compared to young
people
Use synonyms
who live next to these restaurents. If no actions have been taken to
this
Linking Words
issue many problem in the long term would appear in society, there would be a lack of the healthcare services because of the substantial amount of
people
Use synonyms
with heart diseases and diabetes, if more and more
people
Use synonyms
exposed to
this
Linking Words
harmful
food
Use synonyms
that would increse the number of obesity,
therefore
Linking Words
they will be affected with many serious health issues,
for instance
Linking Words
, in the UK there are 3 healthcare facilities being built in the hour because of the increasing in obesity rates. In conclusion,more and more fast
food
Use synonyms
places
opens
Correct subject-verb agreement
open
show examples
their door every day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
reflects a real problem that should have the
government
Check wording
government's
show examples
attention.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your ideas in a clearer way. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Include a stronger introduction and a more detailed conclusion to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and made an effort to address the problem.
task achievement
Some good examples show your points, like the comparison in Japan.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: