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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some parents desire their
children
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 to be more competitive,
while
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 others hope their
children
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 will be more cooperative. In
this
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 discussion, I will explore both perspectives and
also
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 present my own opinion. Those who believe their
children
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 should learn to be more competitive in order to succeed think that
this
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 approach can enable their
children
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 to achieve greater financial success in the future.
As a result
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, their
children
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 may come to view the world as having only winners and losers.
This
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 mindset can make
children
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 more anxious about every aspect of their studies. They may become frustrated when the outcome does not meet their expectations.
However
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, competition can sometimes be beneficial for
children
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 who are more eager to try new things. After all, many successful individuals are highly competitive and are driven to overcome their fears through learning.
On the other hand
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, some people hold the view that cooperative skills are essential for
children
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 to acquire in order to build interpersonal relationships.
Cooperation
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 is prevalent in our society, whether in the business world or in scientific research. Humans are social beings and prefer to collaborate with others.
Cooperation
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 can enhance an individual's value within a group. When people work together, they can generate new ideas and trends. It is not difficult to observe
cooperation
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 in the form of joint ventures, whether in a university setting or a business
center
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centre
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. Ultimately, I believe that both competition and
cooperation
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 are crucial. Without competition, one may lack the motivation to improve oneself, and without
cooperation
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, one may become isolated.
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therefore
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Therefore
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, I think the best strategy for
children
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 is to strike a balance between the two in development.

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specific examples
Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
logical structure
Try to improve the structure in some paragraphs to make ideas flow better.
clear ideas
Ensure that all your points clearly support your main argument for better clarity.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
task response
You acknowledge both views well, showing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encourage
  • cooperate
  • useful adults
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • motivation
  • goals
  • excellence
  • work ethic
  • personal accountability
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • effective communication
  • community
  • belonging
  • emotional well-being
  • globalized
  • interconnected
  • collaborate
  • balanced approach
  • individual achievement
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