IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Despite better access to education, many adults today still cannot read or write. In what ways are they disadvantaged? What can governments do to help them?

Although
Linking Words
 nowadays education is wide range popularization, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still
have
Verb problem
apply
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some adults who did not have enough resources to
supply
Verb problem
receive
show examples
 education when they were young
can
Correct word choice
and can
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 not read or write.
This
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 may lead them to a negative situation
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
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, the government should take some
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
. Individuals who
are
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of read
Check wording
reading
show examples
 and
write
Replace the word
writing
show examples
 ability may have low employment,
so
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 their daily life. If
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
 to read and write, they can not absorb the knowledge. In
this
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 way, they would not have opportunities to attain
well paid
Use the right word
well-paid
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 jobs
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment. If those
people
Use synonyms
 obtain a job, they can not communicate with their colleagues, like even
they
Correct word choice
if they
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 can not write an
e-mail
Correct your spelling
email
. So they are easily
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pushed out, and difficult to
participant
Replace the word
participate
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In order to decline
this
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 phenomenon, allow more adults to develop their
read
Replace the word
reading
show examples
 and
write
Replace the word
writing
show examples
 ability,
governments
Use synonyms
 should provide support. As
governments
Use synonyms
 can provide funds for
people
Use synonyms
 to encourage their learning.
Governments
Use synonyms
 can set up some
curriculums
Replace the word
curricula
show examples
, like online courses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can stimulate them to learn new knowledge. Only in
this
Linking Words
 way can
help
Correct pronoun usage
we help
show examples
 those adults who do not have
condition
Correct article usage
the condition
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 to go to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 offline to enhance their reading and writing skills.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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governments
Use synonyms
 should increase the
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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 of the importance
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 reading and writing, to improve
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
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understand
Replace the word
understanding
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 significance. All in all, those
people
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reading and writing skills would
out
Verb problem
be out
show examples
 of style, and put themselves in a dangerous position.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with the help of
governments
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 situation would be
brighten
Wrong verb form
brightened
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Improve sentence structure and grammar. For example, instead of 'there is still have some adults who did not have enough resources,' it should be 'there are still some adults who did not have enough resources.'
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to show what the main idea is. This helps the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Instead of saying 'governments can provide funds,' give an example of what this support looks like, such as free classes or workshops.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task and identifies the issues faced by adults who cannot read or write.
Task Achievement
The argument about government support is relevant and shows understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy
  • Underemployment
  • Social isolation
  • Healthcare decisions
  • Autonomy
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Marginalized areas
  • Economic instability
  • Employment opportunities
  • Governmental plans
  • Dependency
  • Community involvement
  • Financial incentives
  • Flexible schedules
  • Mobile applications
  • Workplace literacy programs
  • Literacy education
  • Access to information
  • Social interactions
What to do next:
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