Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?

Competition plays an essential role in everyone's life. Some
individuals
Use synonyms
think that there should be no
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
activities for
individuals
Use synonyms
or groups in the school curriculum. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
notion. I believe that competitive
sports
Use synonyms
encourage
children
Use synonyms
to participate, develop interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
, teach them to work hard, and help them to stay fit and healthy. There are various reasons why I think competitive
sports
Use synonyms
should be included in the school curriculum. The first and foremost reason is that
Use synonyms
sports related
Use the right word
sports-related
show examples
subjects
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
as physical
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
detail
Replace the word
detailed
show examples
information about various
sports
Use synonyms
, their rules, and ways of playing these games as well.
Linking Words
This kind
Fix the agreement mistake
These kinds
show examples
of subjects encourage
children
Use synonyms
to take part in these games and
able
Verb problem
are able
show examples
to learn valuable
skills
Use synonyms
by playing them.
In addition
Linking Words
, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
help to develop interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
among
children
Use synonyms
i.e
Punctuation problem
, i.e
show examples
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
Games teach them how to work in a team, they can learn communication,
co-ordination
Use the right word
coordination
show examples
, and leadership
skills
Use synonyms
etcetera
Punctuation problem
, etcetera
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
teach students to set goals in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, which can help them to focus on their goals and work hard to achieve them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
improve social
skills
Use synonyms
and motivate their efforts by rewarding them. In
this
Linking Words
way, they can encourage others to do the same.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, by engaging in distinct
sports
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
can not only boost their confidence but
also
Linking Words
these
sports
Use synonyms
assist
Verb problem
help
show examples
them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
build up their stamina level. Competitive
sports
Use synonyms
ease the academic burden of students and make them healthy, refreshed, and energetic
individuals
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, no doubt, competitive
sports
Use synonyms
have their own importance in the school curriculum
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
perform single or in a team. These
sports
Use synonyms
inspire them to indulge in a particular game, develop soft
skills
Use synonyms
, teach the value of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, and aid in staying fit and healthy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points, like mentioning specific sports or experiences of students to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly between paragraphs, maybe with linking phrases, to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The introduction effectively presents your viewpoint and sets up the discussion well.
task achievement
You provide good reasons for including sports in schools, showing a solid understanding of the benefits.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sports
  • team
  • school
  • curriculum
  • build
  • skills
  • friendship
  • social
  • goals
  • hard
  • healthy
  • reduce
  • stress
  • competition
  • improve
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: