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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey conducted by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services

The charts below show the results of a survey conducted by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services
The pie charts provide the university library survey for
Correct article usage
the feeling
show examples
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
 and timing of
students
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 helped by IT
support
Use synonyms
. The charts
Verb problem
are categorized
show examples
categorized
Use the right word
categorised
show examples
 into
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
 about IT
support
Use synonyms
 offered,
feeling
Replace the word
feelings
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 opening hours
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 combine
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and part-
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly
seen
Verb problem
be seen
show examples
 that
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are satisfied with IT
support
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, part-
time
Use synonyms
are
Check wording
employees are
show examples
 not happy
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 both of them like their available
time
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
feeling
Wrong verb form
I feel
show examples
 that the IT
support
Use synonyms
 offered.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 more than a half feel very happy but only a fifth of part-
time
Use synonyms
are
Check wording
students are
show examples
 happy. Meanwhile,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
45% of part-
time
Use synonyms
do
Check wording
workers do
show examples
 not like their
helping
Replace the word
help
show examples
 from IT.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are the less of proportion feeling bad about
offered
Verb problem
the offerings
show examples
 from IT.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and part-
time
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
quit
Use the right word
quite
show examples
 happy
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
show examples
 the same
32
Punctuation problem
, 32
show examples
 and 35
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. On the other pie chart,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of
both
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are happy with
opening
Correct article usage
the opening
show examples
 hours
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
which
Use the right word
with
show examples
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are 67 % and part-
time
Use synonyms
 are 72%. Only 1% of
full
Correct word choice
full-time
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
employees
show examples
 do not like
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their opening hours.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
full
Correct word choice
full-time
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
employees
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 quite
Correct word choice
high
show examples
happy
Punctuation problem
happy,
show examples
 more than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 only 9% which they are 32%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, support, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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