nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In contemporary society, many people are moving towards the trend of utilizing natural remedies and medications that are not prescribed by general
peractitioners
. Correct your spelling
practitioners
However
, I adhere to the belief that these attemps
could lead to harmful results without the Correct your spelling
attempts
consult
of Replace the word
consultation
doctors
.
While
using unprescribed medication seem
to be an easy choice, the side effects of some of these products are quite unknown in the public eye. Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
Consequently
, this
unawareness can lead to more severe conditions comparing
to the initial illness. Wrong verb form
compared
Moreover
, many would tag along with
some conventional cures which can imeliorate
the pain at first but contribute to many chronic conditions in the near future. A recent study demonstrated that more than half of the individuals who refuse to visit Correct your spelling
ameliorate
meliorate
doctors
when sick, tend to get better only temporarily before they collapse into a more challenging sickness.
Doctors
are well-trained for a prolonged period of time to assess any type of condition; therefore
, they are highly qualified to perscribe
medicine when necessary. Correct your spelling
prescribe
However
, the journey of healing might take a lot longer that
anticipated if the patient has already Correct word choice
than
took
various tablets or serums. Change the verb form
taken
This
would interfere with the work of the professional are result in a more complex healing process; not to mention
that instead
of one problem, now physician
has to juggle multiple side effects as well. Take herbal remedies as an example; it has Correct article usage
the physician
mirrored
by Add a missing verb
been mirrored
nomerous
publications that these treatments have zero effect on the welfare of patients and ironically Correct your spelling
numerous
makes
them more prone to other illnesses.
In a nutshell, people are now more Correct subject-verb agreement
make
that
ever lured into alternative medicines to cure a sickness without being examined by Correct word choice
than
doctors
. I am extremely opposed to this
action due to
the multiple reasons that where
elaborated in Correct your spelling
were
this
essay.Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well, but to enhance task achievement, ensure the examples are specific and relevant. For example, you can mention specific types of alternative treatments and their risks.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to improve the logical flow between the paragraphs and sentences. For instance, using more transition words can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Clarify and streamline your ideas. Some of your points are valid but could be articulated more clearly. Re-writing them in simpler terms might help communicate your argument better.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, the main body paragraphs could benefit from more cohesive devices and linking phrases to improve readability and connection between ideas.
positive
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument.
positive
You’ve provided logical reasons for your position, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example