IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

In
this
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 world,
society
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 is based on
rules
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 and
laws
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. If
people
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 were free to do whatever they want.
While
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 some say that staying free in
society
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 is a good way to have on our own
responsibility
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 for everything. I believe that in public, there should be strict regulations provided by
rules
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 and
laws
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, as without it can be dangerous to the community. On the one hand, there are several advantages of being free in a community.
Firstly
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, there are a lot of countries which their residences requires to being in a freedom any kind of without
laws
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 and
rules
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, As it can have a some benefits to the public, which is that they stay free and by
this
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 only they can have a
responsibility
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 for creating decisions on their own
such
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 as
people
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 could follow their own moral or spiritual beliefs,
this
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 means that in the absence of
rules
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 or
laws
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, individuals would rely on their personal sense of right and wrong (morals) or religious,spiritual values to guide their actions rather than being contyrolled by the legal system. Freedom leads to innovation and personal
responsibility
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.
On the other hand
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, unfortunately, there can be some issues in providing without
rules
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 and
laws
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, and there can be some dangerous problems.
Society
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 should provide
rules
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, as they protect all inhabitants' lifestyles. It can be seen that some dangers exist if
society
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 is without
rules
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,
such
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 as there might be a start of criminal activity around
people
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 who can attack any place,
such
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 as malls, stores, or even banks.
Although
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 it can be seen that
people
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 can cause harm to nature, they might pollute or overuse natural resources, since no
laws
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 would stop them. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 other societies think that staying free without any
rules
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 and
laws
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 is a good way to have
responsibility
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 for everything, I personally believe that staying in freedom without any regulations can be dangerous both to Nature and the inhabitants' lifestyle.

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task response
Your introduction clearly states your belief, but it could be clearer about the arguments you will present. Try to outline your main points in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
You have some good ideas, but try to make your points clearer. Use simple words to explain your thoughts fully. Each point should connect back to the main idea of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your ideas well, but it could be stronger. You might restate your main argument more directly and show why it matters.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task response.
task achievement
Your essay includes both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • harmonious
  • individual freedoms
  • societal norms
  • unrestricted freedom
  • crime rates
  • dysfunctional
  • fair distribution
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • accountability
  • enforcing laws
  • restrictive regulations
  • societal functionality
  • legal frameworks
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