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Band 7.5

in some countries , students live with their family while studying at a university . In other countries , students attend university in another city . Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending outweigh the disadvantages ?

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In some parts of the world,
while
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 some university
students
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 are able to live with their families
while
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 studying at a university, others are forced to live away from
home
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 to pursue higher education. From my standpoint, I believe that some challenges they may face
while
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 living far away to study, namely financial matters, will be exceeded by some overwhelming merits it offers. Admittedly,
students
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 following studies at a university are more likely to deal with financial matters.
In other words
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, unlike the setting of education in the past when they receive better care from their parents, those individuals have to pay for living expenses when studying far from
home
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. It means that they need to allocate budgets for accommodation, daily meals and recreational activities in a suitable way.
Therefore
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, people who do not have a good foundation in
this
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 field will find it hard to pursue their education
while
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 at universities. Notwithstanding the aforementioned ideas, I believe some overwhelming merits associated with studying far from
home
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 can be listed.
Firstly
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,
this
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 approach can create a holistic environment for those people to foster soft skills. It means that
students
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 have to handle a plethora of complicated issues on a daily basis, namely meeting heavy workloads, taking care of themselves, and getting away from distractions. For those reasons, those
students
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 who are compelled to accomplish those daily tasks will nurture many interpersonal competencies including time-management and self-learning skills which are good for their future occupations.
Secondly
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, it
also
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 facilitates those people to expand their social circles. Being involved in the new environment forces
students
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 to step out of their comfort zones and interact with peers from various backgrounds.
Such
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 interactions may put
students
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 into situations in which they have to select and form lifelong friendships and valuable connections.
To conclude
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,
while
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 a downside when
students
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 studying far from
home
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 is a financial constraint, I believe that it will be ironed out by some specific advantages it offers including: fostering soft skills and forming relationships.

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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, while your essay has a logical flow, using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve connections between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure paragraphing is clear and each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly through the content.
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