In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What do you think are the causes of this problem? What measures could best be taken to solve it?

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In recent years,
children
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and especially teenagers have been spending all their leisure
time
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sitting in front of a screen. When I was younger, my peers exactly like me would have been spending that
time
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in the open air rather than being at home. One major reason for
children
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and teenagers staying indoors is the rise of digital innovation. Every
time
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new applications or entertainment are introduced in the tech industry , it keeps
children
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glued to their screens .
As a result
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, these digital
activities
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are often more appealing than outdoor play, as they require minimal physical effort and provide instant satisfaction.
Moreover
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, the potential pressure on students in schools provokes a lack of
time
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to stay outdoors just because of being focused on education.
Lastly
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,
parents
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are concerned that their
children
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are in urban areas alone so they restrict their indoor exercise to make sure they are safe. To overcome these issues
parents
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and governments should take certain measures. One of these measures can be that
parents
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should set limits on screen
time
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and encourage
children
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to participate in outdoor
activities
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,
such
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as sports or community events.
Secondly
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, educational centres should add to their curriculum more physical
activities
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and outdoor learning lessons .
Furthermore
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, the government should invest in safe areas for
children
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where they can play without concerns. In conclusion , the obsession with mobile devices is becoming more and more common among teenagers that have certain side effects .
However
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, with the efforts of
parents
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and governments, we can lessen the effects and adapt our
children
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to indoor environments and
activities
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.
Submitted by alisastar112006 on

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task achievement
Include specific examples or statistics to support your points about the appeal of digital activities.
task achievement
Clarify the connection between school pressure and less outdoor activity time for teenagers.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied transition words to enhance the flow between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay starts with a clear introduction and presents a conclusion, summarizing the key points effectively.
task achievement
You have effectively identified several plausible reasons why children spend more time indoors.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, with the causes of the problem discussed before the solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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