IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The issue of the government's development goals has become a prominent point of contention in modern discourse.
While
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 one group advocates that economic
progress
Use synonyms
 is the most important aim, another group argues in
favor
Use the right word
favour
show examples
 of other forms of improvements
also
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equal
Replace the word
equally
show examples
 significant. From my perspective, I believe that the second viewpoint is more worthy of agreement. On the one hand, those who
support
Use synonyms
economic's
Check wording
economic
show examples
 effectiveness have valid points.
Firstly
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, continuous economic growth will offer a sufficient budget for governments to
support
Use synonyms
 the development of other industries.
For example
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, if a country is eager to promote its technology, which
is
Verb problem
apply
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undoubtedly needs to purchase high-tech
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
 and recruit senior experts, sufficient financial
support
Use synonyms
 is indispensable.
In addition
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, economic strength is a vital manifestation of whether a country is powerful or not.
This
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 is true given the example that the dominant governments in
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 world always have powerful economic strength.
Therefore
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, they regard
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth as the most important goal.
On the other hand
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, proponents of other types of
progress
Use synonyms
's
importances
Fix the agreement mistake
importance
show examples
also
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 have their own justifications.
For instance
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, education has become more and more important in countries'
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
, a complete educational system
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 a government to cultivate excellent generations who will play a key role in
overall
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progress
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
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,
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
progress
Use synonyms
 should be taken seriously.
Moreover
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, art and culture
progress
Use synonyms
 will benefit both citizens and society. It not only enhances individuals' ability of aesthetics
appreciation
Check wording
apply
show examples
and enriches spiritual life, but
also
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 enhances international influence, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 effective
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 countries'
progress
Use synonyms
.
However
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, taking into account the all-round development of the society, it is obvious that only
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 economic
progress
Use synonyms
 as
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
show examples
 is far from enough.
Therefore
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, I truly believe that other types of improvements are equally as important as it. In conclusion,
while
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 economic growth does provide us with
support
Use synonyms
 in various aspects, we
also
Linking Words
 need to focus on common developments in multiple dimensions
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as culture and art.
Therefore
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, pursuing
harmonious
Correct article usage
the harmonious
show examples
 coexistence of diversity
progress
Use synonyms
 is the suitable trend we should strive for.

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task response
Explain the task clearly. Say both sides and give your own view. Make your main opinion clear in the end.
coherence cohesion
Make the flow smooth in each paragraph. Start with a clear point, then add a reason and example. Use words that show order like first, also, but, finally.
grammar
Use short, easy sentences. Check that the subject and verb fit. Fix errors like 'economic's' or 'importances'.
lexical resource
Choose simple words. Use common forms like 'growth', 'progress', 'education', 'culture'. Avoid wrong forms.
task response
End with a short restatement of your view and why you choose it. This makes the task clear.
task response
Give a real and simple example for each point if you can. It helps show your idea.
content
The essay shows both sides and has a clear view in the end.
structure
There are two body parts and some examples are given.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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