IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the goverment should be responsible for crime prevention. Others believe that it is the responsibilty of the individual to protect themselves. Disucss both views and give their opinion.

#people #goverment #crime #prevention #responsibilty #disucss
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 it is sometimes thought that the
government
Use synonyms
 ought to be accountable for preventing
crime
Use synonyms
, other
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it is the duty of every citizen to safeguard themselves. In my opinion, I consider that the state plays an important role in deterring
crime
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, it is maintained by some that the
government
Use synonyms
 is responsible for
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention because they can enforce strict rules to prevent
crime
Use synonyms
, and I agree.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 has resources which help it to stop
crime
Use synonyms
 and catch criminals.
For example
Linking Words
, they have technology devices which help to inspect the expected crimes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is their duty to protect the citizens because they pay taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, that
people
Use synonyms
 should be safeguarded by their
government
Use synonyms
 because they pay for facilities and protection.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 are convinced that it is individuals’ duty to protect themselves. One reason is that
people
Use synonyms
 should be protected in their homes by themselves. To put it simply, if
people
Use synonyms
 lock their doors when they go to bed, they will be safer. Another reason is that when the
government
Use synonyms
 prevents
people
Use synonyms
 from doing something they should not do, it is their problem.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the state advises
people
Use synonyms
 to not go to the dangerous street at night, the citizens must listen and not do it.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 may vary in their opinions, I think that the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate will be higher if the
government
Use synonyms
 does not prevent it.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 is the main responsible for deterring
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that both viewpoints are given equal attention to show balanced discussion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Further develop explanations to make arguments clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas contributing to overall readability.
task achievement
Addresses both perspectives on the issue effectively.
task achievement
Provides reasonable arguments supporting both views.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: