IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"There are more challenges and risks than benefits to new technology.

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Introduction
Advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 has been invested in order to bring a wide range of positive benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 societal progress.
However
Linking Words
, there is controversy
whether
Change preposition
over whether
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 technological tools have more severe challenges than incredible opportunities. I completely believe the
technology
Use synonyms
 offers more advantages than risks,
while
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this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss its clear upsides.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, technological development profoundly supports education.
Firstly
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, students from different countries can access the massive knowledge and culture more and more conveniently with a click on a website on the internet.
Secondly
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, teachers take advantage of advanced equipment to transfer updated information,
which
Correct word choice
so that
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 teenagers can absorb correct lessons at the
time
Correct word choice
same time
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.
Nevertheless
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,
for example
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, children still studied their curriculum depending on a smartphone or a laptop when COVID-19 happened and impacted the world. Thereby, new
technology
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in promoting education.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, high
technology
Use synonyms
 recycles and treats the pollutants, which are profit-driven activities
such
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 as mining and improper waste disposal , contributing to vast ecological degradation in the past. Scientists and engineers have been
investingin arange
Correct your spelling
investing in a range
 of technologies
such
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 as carbon capture technologies, oncean cleanup technologies, waste water treatment, leading to the waste and landfills from manufacturing and households.
As a result
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, they have limited the chemical pollutants and the fossil fuel emissions affecting the natural environment and human well-being. Hopefully, by the next 50 years, advanced facilities will
have been
Wrong verb form
be
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 washing toxic ingredients and
less
Verb problem
producing less
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 pollution.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, highly advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 not only helps humans create a friendly environment, but
also
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remove
Correct subject-verb agreement
removes
show examples
 the boundaries of knowledge in society. Researchers are trying to derive the beneficial real,
while
Linking Words
 they are minimising the challenging matter of advanced tools.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to state your main points more clearly. It helps the reader understand what to expect in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Some of your ideas could be better linked together. Use more connectors to join sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Make sure to give more specific examples in your points. The essays would be stronger with clear details for each main idea.
coherence cohesion
Try to summarize your points more clearly in the conclusion. This helps to reinforce your main ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear position in your essay which is good. It shows your viewpoint is strong and definite.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples of technology in education and environmental care, which is good to support your points.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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