IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that social networking sites bring people closer together, while others believe they contribute to loneliness. Discuss both these sides and provide your own view.

Although
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 it is considered that social media platforms encourage
people
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 to come together, others argue that they contribute to making them lonelier. In my opinion, I think that
people
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 benefit in numerous ways by using these platforms. On the one hand, some believe that
people
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 often foster better relationships through the use of online social networking. I agree.
In other words
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, most
people
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 today have an online social presence where they are able to connect with one another and share their experiences, ideas and stories, leading to new friendships and connections.
For instance
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, many
people
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 bond over mutual interests
such
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 as food and sports, and form lasting relationships virtually.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 maintain vital connections with peers, relatives and old friends via social networking.
On the other hand
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, it is thought that
people
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 tend to become lonelier by using social media. As
people
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 gradually develop the habit of browsing their online feed, they come across more and more updates about the lives of others and what they have achieved. By using these sites more, many
people
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 may gradually disconnect from the real world after a certain period and tend to spend more time online,
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 addicted to it.
Consequently
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, these
people
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 who wanted to make connections but were not able to do so became lonelier than before.
To conclude
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,
while
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people
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 have varying opinions, I think that social networking improves interpersonal relationships and offers
people
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 a convenient way to interact with others.
However
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, failure to do so could make one feel more lonely and dejected.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your view in the introduction, not just at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance connections between ideas. Use linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are well-structured, addressing both sides of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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