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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education

The charts show school expenditure and the % of students who gained higher education
The shown bar and pie chart describe the changes in school expenditure of students and the number of degree and diploma qualifications in higher education over a period of 12 years between 2000 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of expenditure of boys is higher than
girl’s counterparts
Check wording
girls
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. These data tend to increase in both boys and girls
Towards
Punctuation problem
. Towards
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 the pie graph, the total of
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
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 is much more than
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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during
Change preposition
over
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 12 years. As
is
Verb problem
apply
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illustrated
from
Change preposition
in
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 the chart that there was a steady climb from roughly 10 million to over 30 million units and
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
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 in 2012. Towards
to
Change preposition
apply
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the other category, the quantity of spending jumped slightly from under 10% to 20% million units. Between 2000 and 2012, the total
of
Check wording
number of
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 diplomas decreased slightly by 5%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there was a considerable rise in degrees from 27% to 32% over 2 years.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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