IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The popularity of fast food is increasing, especially among younger people. What are the cause for this trend? Is it a positive or negative development?

Junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is becoming more popular among the youth
nowdays
Use the right word
nowadays
show examples
. I strongly believe that there are more negative impacts of
this
Linking Words
 than positive, and I will explicate my point
further
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The trend of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 is increasing extensively among the new generation, and the primary reason behind that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 easy availability.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can
conviniently
Correct your spelling
conveniently
 buy it from grocery shops or
restuarants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 on their way back from
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
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due to
Linking Words
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 lifestyle and
packed
Correct article usage
a packed
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 schedule, most youngsters lack the time to cook
food
Use synonyms
 for themselves at home
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
hence
Linking Words
 they find it easier to order from outside. Another reason is that most of the
people
Use synonyms
 get so tired after their daily chores that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are no more enthusiastic about eating
home-cooked
Correct article usage
a home-cooked
show examples
,
self -made
Use the right word
self-made
show examples
 meal.
This
Linking Words
 aggravating popularity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 has many negative impacts on
life
Check wording
the lives
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
. Eating
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 leads to various health complications in youngsters
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, obesity,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of stroke increases by 30% because
people
Use synonyms
 eat a lot of bad
food
Use synonyms
 but are not able to exercise at all.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 popularity of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is causing the local snacks and authentic cuisines to lose their identity,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to a cultural demolition as well. Other than that, it is
also
Linking Words
 established by the scientists that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the preservatives used in the
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 one of the leading
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of cancer. Conclusively, I definitely believe that
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is
definitely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
not good for the youngsters or for the cultural side of the country.

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planning
Plan your essay. State the cause first, then say if this trend is good or bad, and finish with a short end line.
grammar
Use simple and clear grammar. Keep long sentences short and use one idea per sentence.
cohesion
Link ideas well. Use words like first, next, also, but, so, therefore to show how ideas go together.
content
Give one clear example for each reason. Avoid wrong facts or guesses; if you use numbers, check they are right or avoid them.
task response
In the end, restate your view and the main points in a short way.
stance
The essay shows a clear view that junk food is bad.
content
It gives more than one reason for why junk food grows.
structure
There is a simple form with an intro, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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