IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

Many
criminals
Use synonyms
 continue breaking the law even after being punished.
This
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 is a big problem in our society. There are several reasons why
this
Linking Words
 happens, and there are
also
Linking Words
 some ways we can try to stop
crime
Use synonyms
.
First,
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many
criminals
Use synonyms
 return to
crime
Use synonyms
 because they have no other way to make money. After being in prison, it is very hard to find a good job. Employers don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to hire someone with a criminal record.
For example
Linking Words
, a man who stole money might steal again because no company will give him work.
Also
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 grow up in poor families where
crime
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 seems normal. If your parents and friends are
criminals
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, you might think
crime
Use synonyms
 is the only life you can have.
Second,
Linking Words
prison sometimes makes
people
Use synonyms
 worse
instead
Linking Words
 of better. In prison,
criminals
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 meet other
criminals
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 and learn new ways to break the law. They don'
t
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 learn how to live a good life. Some prisons don'
t
Use synonyms
 have good programs to teach skills or help
people
Use synonyms
 change. When prisoners leave jail, they often feel angry at society and commit more crimes. There are several ways we could reduce
crime
Use synonyms
. The government should help ex-prisoners find jobs so they don'
t
Use synonyms
 need to steal. Companies that hire ex-
criminals
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 could get tax money from the government. Prisons should have more education and job training programs. Young
people
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 in poor areas need better schools and after-school activities to keep them away from
crime
Use synonyms
. Police should work more with communities to build trust
instead
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 of just punishing
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 continue committing crimes because of poverty, bad influences, and prisons that don'
t
Use synonyms
 help them change. To stop
crime
Use synonyms
, we need to give
people
Use synonyms
 better opportunities and help them become part of society
instead
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 of just punishing them.

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task response
Your essay covers causes and steps to stop crime well. To push the score higher, add more clear points and real, easy details for each point.
coherence cohesion
Work on how ideas connect. Use short links like also, but, and so. Some sentences are long; break them for easier reading.
examples
Give more real life examples or numbers to back up points. This will make your claim stronger.
structure
Good order: start with cause, move to type of prison and then to fix.
coherence
Clear sign words like First, Second, In conclusion show the plan.
content
You give many ideas to fight crime, like jobs and schools.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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