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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that parents should be the main educators of their children, while others argue that schools play a more important role. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 play important roles in
children
Use synonyms
's
development
Use synonyms
,
while
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 some believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 are the main educators to their
children
Use synonyms
, others argue that
schools
Use synonyms
 play a more critical role. In my opinion, both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 are equally important in nurturing kids.
To begin
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 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the first teachers and role models to their
children
Use synonyms
 from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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 as they spend most of the time with their
parents
Use synonyms
 before going to school. As we all know, early ages are crucial periods in human beings'
development
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.
For instance
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, babies can learn a number of different languages if they are exposed to certain environments,
whereas
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 for adults, it is very hard to pick up a new language.
For
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this
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 reason,
parents
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 play a rather critical role in their
children
Use synonyms
's
development
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 as they are the main and sole teachers when kids are young.
On the other hand
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, as
children
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 reach the age of three, they
would
Verb problem
apply
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start
kindergartens
Fix the agreement mistake
kindergarten
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,
then
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 primary
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schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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. At
this
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 time, they start to spend most of their time at school, so
schools
Use synonyms
 become the main place where they learn new skills and start to
social
Replace the word
socialise
show examples
 with other peers.
Therefor
Use the right word
Therefore
show examples
,
schools
Use synonyms
 are critical to guide pupils to form their values, find their interests and goals in life. If
children
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 encounter
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 bad experience in school, it would not only hurt their feelings, but
also
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 affect their understanding of the world because
schools
Use synonyms
 are like small societies. In a nutshell, I think both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 play important roles in
children
Use synonyms
's
development
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.
Parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 must work together to help kids grow into independent, all-around individuals who are good learners and can find their positions in
this
Linking Words
 world.

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task response
Answer all parts. State your view clearly at the end and give one simple example for each point.
coherence
Plan the essay. Start with the idea that both are needed. In the body use two ideas with a small proof. Use and, but, also to link ideas.
strength
The writer shows that both parents and school matter.
strength
There is a small example about learning a language.
strength
The essay ends with a short summary.
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