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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting themain features, and make comparisons whererelevant.
The graph illustrates the proportion of households with various types of
technologgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 in the US between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the share of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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 was the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
highest,
while
Linking Words
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
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 player was the lowest. The other gadgets experienced
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerably
Replace the word
considerable
show examples
 growth over the period given. At the beginning of the period, in 1995,
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine was the most popular device, it began at around 60% and
then
Linking Words
 peaked
70
Change preposition
at 70
show examples
% in 1996 before remaining relatively stable in 1997.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure dramatically rose to 80% in the
last
Linking Words
 year.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 consisted of approximately 40%, which
then
Linking Words
 climbed to about 70% by the end of the period. Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other devices, in 1995,
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
show examples
 player was higher than the phone and the Internet, but
this
Linking Words
 figure dropped to about 15% in 1996. Over
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
, it slightly went up to about 40%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the usage of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 and the Internet was
Linking Words
similarly
Replace the word
similar
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they began at about under 20% and both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
experienced
gradually
Replace the word
gradual
show examples
 growth.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • households
  • technology
  • graph
  • 1995
  • 1999
  • televisions
  • computers
  • remained relatively stable
  • significant increase
  • surpassed
  • doubled
  • slight increase
  • suggests
  • growing trend
  • adoption
  • continued popularity
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