IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, elderly
people
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 are permitted to
work
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 for as long as they wish.
While
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this
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 policy has both advantages and disadvantages, I believe that the benefits generally outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, allowing older
people
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 to
work
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 can create some challenges.
First,
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older employees may not always be as physically strong or as fast as younger workers, which could reduce efficiency in certain jobs that require energy and quick reactions.
Second,
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if elderly
people
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 remain in employment for a very long time, it might limit opportunities for younger generations, making it harder for them to find jobs or get promotions.
Finally
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, some argue that retirement is important for
people
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 to rest and enjoy life after decades of hard
work
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, so continuing to
work
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 indefinitely could reduce their quality of life.
On the other hand
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, there are several significant advantages to letting
people
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 decide when to retire.
To begin
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 with, many elderly individuals remain healthy, skilled, and motivated, and their experience can be extremely valuable to companies and society. Their knowledge and problem-solving abilities often cannot be replaced easily by younger workers.
In addition
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, continuing to
work
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 gives older
people
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 a sense of purpose and prevents feelings of isolation or depression, which are common after retirement.
Furthermore
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, from an economic perspective, if
people
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work
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 longer, they contribute more taxes and are less dependent on pensions, which helps reduce financial pressure on governments. 

Although
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 there are concerns about reduced efficiency and fewer job opportunities for the young, the advantages of allowing elderly
people
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 to
work
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 as long as they want are stronger, since both individuals and society gain from their continued contribution.

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tip
To get a higher score, add clear, real examples. For example, say how long a person can work and what job they do.
tip
Make the plan more clear. Put the main idea at the start of each part and end with a short close.
tip
Some ideas are good, but you use the same words a lot. Use new words and a little mix of link words.
tip
Be more sure on what you mean by good things and bad things. Say it in one or two lines each.
strength
Clear view and strong stand.
strength
Good use of link words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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