IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#attention #prevalence #media
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There is a growing concern that the widespread of social
media
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 use is contributing to
a decreasing
Correct the article-noun agreement
a decreasing attention span
decreasing attention spans
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attention
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 spans among users.
This
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 essay agrees that social
media
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 is indeed reducing people's ability to concentrate.
Firstly
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, social
media
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 creates constant distractions that
disrupts
Change the verb form
disrupt
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 focus;
secondly
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, the emphasis on instant gratification diminishes users' cognitive ability to direct their
attention
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 appropriately. On the one hand, constant distractions from social
media
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 notifications significantly contribute to the shortening of
attention
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 spans. Every ping or alert from a social
media
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 app draws the user's
attention
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 away from more focused activities, fragmenting their concentration.
Furthermore
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, frequent interruptions condition the brain to expect and crave short bursts of information, diminishing the capacity for prolonged focus.
For example
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, a study conducted by the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of Toronto found that office workers interrupted by electronic communications were less productive, and produced work of low quality than those who could work uninterrupted.
On the other hand
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, social
media
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 design caters to instant gratification, which erodes the ability to engage in tasks that require sustained
attention
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. Social
media
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 platforms are engineered to provide an immediate reward system in the form of likes and comments, satisfying users' desire for quick responses.
Moreover
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,
this
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 set-up encourages scrolling behaviour, skipping from one piece of content to another without taking the time to engage with any single one deeply.
This
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 is visible in the rapid consumption of TickTock videos, where content is typically under a minute long and designed to entertain immediately, reinforcing quick
attention
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 redirection. In conclusion, social
media
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 plays a substantial role in reducing
attention
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 spans through its promotion of constant interruptions and its reliance on instant gratification.
Submitted by alamer_ma on

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task achievement
Your essay presents clear, comprehensive ideas and stays on topic throughout, fulfilling the task requirements effectively. However, consider addressing potential counterarguments to show a more rounded perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all names, such as "University of Toronto" and apps like "TickTock," are spelled correctly. Consistency in presentation adds to the professionalism of your work.
supported main points
Continue using relevant and specific examples but aim to diversify the sources and types of evidence you provide. This will strengthen your argument further.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction effectively states your position, and each body paragraph presents a well-developed point, leading to a strong conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay integrates clear, responsive content directly related to the topic prompt. The ideas are comprehensive and fully developed, showcasing deep understanding.
relevant specific examples
You've included specific and relevant examples, such as the study from the University of Toronto and the design aspects of social media platforms. These enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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