IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Other think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a debate over
weather
Use the right word
whether
show examples
 teenagers should keep
traditions
Use synonyms
 of their community, others argue that
indivuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 should be
indepent
Correct your spelling
independent
. I believe that they should be free about which lifestyle they want. In these days, adherence to
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
show examples
 has been decreasing among young people.
it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 means that they should follow
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some customs
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
If the youth do not continue to follow these
traditions
Use synonyms
, they might be forgotten and vanish from
this
Linking Words
 world permanently. Some youngsters should follow
traditions
Use synonyms
 of their community do because
traditions
Use synonyms
 help younger generations connect with their ancestors through traditional values, In adition, each country have their own
traditions
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
 in Uzbekistan the Navroz is well known in my country at the tradition of Navroz the people make some foods but sumalak is the main food at
this
Linking Words
 tradition and they do some sports
such
Linking Words
 as kurash and
this
Linking Words
 sort of sports.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the younger generation should not be forced to follow traditional values
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 each individual has the right to live
according to
Linking Words
 their own choices.The traditional rules are usually old-school and useless in modern environments. These rules not only prevent the next generation from creativity but
also
Linking Words
 limit them from the opportunity of broadening their horizons.
Thus
Linking Words
, the freedom should be given to the individuals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can decide the right option. From my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 highly agree that some individuals should be free
instead
Linking Words
 of following some rules of the tradition. By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both sides
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the truth, there are many customs that need to be preserved in our society
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I firmly believe that youngsters have the right to choose
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 option.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph to tell the reader what you will say in that part.
content
Give more real, easy to see examples and say how they show your point.
language
Fix spelling and grammar. Use short and simple sent to show you can control the basics.
content
Your paper states what you think and talks about both sides.
content
You give a local example to support your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Sense of identity
  • Cultural background
  • Community unity
  • Formative years
  • Significant meanings
  • Passed down
  • Creativity and innovation
  • New ideas and perspectives
  • Societal progress
  • Personal growth
  • Self-discovery
  • Outdated or irrelevant
  • Adhering to traditions
  • Meaningful and relevant
What to do next:
Look at other essays: