IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.

The table below shows the salaries of secondary/high school teachers in 2009.
The table compares salaries of high and secondary
teachers
Use synonyms
 in five countries (Australia, Denmark,
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
, Japan, and Korea) in a 30-year period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 who work in
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 earned significantly more than other countries,
while
Linking Words
 Australian
teachers
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
salary
Use synonyms
 during the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, after 15
years
Use synonyms
,
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 was still paying the highest income
.
Check wording
tax.
show examples
 At the beginning of the duration,
teachers
Use synonyms
 in
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
 earned $80,000.
Then
Linking Words
, it increased to 119,000$ in 15
years
Use synonyms
. It took 30
years
Use synonyms
 to achieve the dominant
salary
Use synonyms
, $132,000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Denmark was the dominant trend
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after
Luxembourg
Use synonyms
. It started with $45,000. After 15
years
Use synonyms
, the trend went up to 54,000$, and it only took 8
years
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Australia started with only 28,000$
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 after 9
years
Use synonyms
, it reached to peak, 48,000$, and it did not change for 15
years
Use synonyms
 Turning to Japan,
teachers
Use synonyms
 received about $34,000. After 15
years
Use synonyms
, their
salary
Use synonyms
 grew by about $31,000. It reached the highest
salary
Use synonyms
 in 37
years
Use synonyms
, almost 86,000$.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Korean
teachers
Use synonyms
'
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 about 30,000$ in their initial career. In 15
years
Use synonyms
, it went up to 48,000$ and it reached a peak of 62,000$ in 19
years
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words teachers, luxembourg, salary, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: