Some people think that professional sports players earn too much salary, especially when they do not seem to help peopleand societies the way people of other occupations such as doctors, teachers, and soldiers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports #players #salary #peopleand #societies #occupations #doctors #teachers #soldiers

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Being a well-known and successful sportsperson is one of the most flavoured professional achievements wished by several adolescents.

This

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due to

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the fact that athletes are rewarded with tremendous financial support.

In contrast

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, it is generally held that they are not

worthily of

Correct word choice

worth

show examples

gaining that money since many sportsmen seem not to be helpful to other individuals in society,

this

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essay partly disagrees with the aforementioned statements and provides a set of reasons to support each point of view before the conclusion is reached. First and foremost,

sports

Use synonyms

players' actions are not enhancing the well-being of the population in the way that physicians devote most of their lifetime to treating their patients or teachers who educate and guide their pupils to seek vocational goals. To be more explicit, many athletes only do it for their own interests, especially to break others' records.

Moreover

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this

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course of action may contribute to gambling behaviour among those watching

sports

Use synonyms

which brings about various poverty issues.

On the contrary

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, it is undeniable that

sports

Use synonyms

play an essential role in the entertainment industry as we have seen many

sports

Use synonyms

programs displayed on the screen.

Furthermore

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, people can enhance their satisfactoriness

as well as

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their relationship with others

while

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enjoying

sports

Use synonyms

competitions. Professional and popular sportsmen may inspire numerous juveniles to know their

intention

Fix the agreement mistake

intentions

show examples

in life. To summarize, despite the fact that

sports

Use synonyms

are

Verb problem

show examples

not

having

Wrong verb form

have

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enormous direct effects on people's lives, there are still several positive aspects that should not be overlooked namely advanced enjoyment, satisfaction and motivation. I personally

perceived

Wrong verb form

perceive

show examples

that to enhance the well-being of our society, if there is no harm to others in the society, there is no doubt that

sports

Use synonyms

players should be gaining money

similarly

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to other occupations.

Submitted by Jaranrat170 on Mon Oct 31 2022

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task achievement

Include more specific examples to support your points, especially in the second body paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically organized and well-developed.

introduction conclusion present

Clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion that frame the essay effectively.

complete response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

justified
revenue
generate
advertisers
career span
compensation
entertainment
social cohesion
national pride
market dynamics
demand for skills
perceived societal value
inspire
engage
pursue
economic principles
essential services
salary structures
occupations
disparity

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More and more business meetings and business training have taken place on the Internet. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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