IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

There is always a dispute about should
university
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students
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 should live with families or in another city. From my perspective, the benefits of living without family outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion,
university
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students
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 should take their living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 because they
have
Verb problem
are
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already
an
Correct article usage
apply
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adult
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adults
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. They are not children anymore, which means that they should find a part-time
job
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. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they could experience the real society earlier than those who live with their families.
For example
Linking Words
, those who live alone without family and find a part-time
job
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 could brighten their resume.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will get a better
job
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 and a higher salary in the future. Another reason why I support
university
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students
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 living in another city is that they could have their own lives. As adult, they have to be responsible for their lives;
therefore
Linking Words
, they need to learn how to cook, do housework, and deal with interpersonal relationships. It does not mean that they do not have a backup anymore. It is just that they need to tackle
on
Change preposition
apply
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these problems by themselves at first.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they face an argument with their peers, they have to find the solution;
otherwise
Linking Words
, they will sink into the vicious circle of finding answers from their family,
instead
Linking Words
 of dealing by themselves In conclusion, I deeply believe that
university
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students
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 living in another city have more advantages than living with family because they broaden their resume by part-time
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job
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jobs
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 and could learn how to depend on themselves.

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structure
Plan your answer: start with a short intro that states your view, then give two to three clear points, and finish with a short conclusion.
coherence
Keep one main idea per paragraph and use linking words to show the order, such as first, also, but, for example, therefore.
grammar
Check small grammar errors and fix common phrases (for example: 'the cost of living', 'they are already adults', 'live away from home').
lexical
Use simple and correct words. A phrase like 'brighten their resume' is not common; say 'improve their resume' instead.
task response
Give more example from life or a real scene to show how it can work, and touch a view you do not agree with briefly.
content
Clear view on the issue
coherence
Some good link words and order
structure
Has a conclusion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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