IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Q Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however, say that this would have little effect on public health and measures are required. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

It is argued that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 facilities should be increased to improve the nation's health, and some people would disagree
on
Change preposition
with
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 that
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, both
statments
Correct your spelling
statements
 have good points to consider.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
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 the number of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 facilities would affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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people's health, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who adopt
this
Linking Words
 idea
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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claim that
this
Linking Words
 is the "best" way, and it is arguable because it's an
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 from their
side
Check wording
point
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 of view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it may be the only thing missing in their
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, some disagree with that thought, and have a great point to argue
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 sport facilities should be a part of a healthy
life-style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
 and not the only solution to have a better healthy life, but saying it wouldn't
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
I
Correct pronoun usage
me
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 would
disagree
Verb problem
be a mistake
show examples
. In conclusion, both
opinons
Correct your spelling
opinions
 have some great points
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 both are somewhat biased
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I think there is a grey area in the middle that agrees with
two
Correct determiner usage
both
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 sides
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health the best.

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task response
Your essay has some ideas about both sides but you do not make a clear view or give proof. Try to write a short intro that says what you will talk about and then a clear view at the end.
coherence
Link ideas with a simple order. Use new paragraph for each idea. Start with an intro, then a body section for each view, and finish with a small ending that shows your view.
strength
You use easy words and few hard forms.
strength
You try to show both sides and end with a closing thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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