IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museum charges for admission while others are free do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays
visiting
Punctuation problem
, visiting
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 is a valuable interest for most
people
Use synonyms
,
include
Replace the word
including
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 local and tourist individuals. The number of
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 require
to
Check wording
people to
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 pay
entrance
Correct article usage
an entrance
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 fee
and
Correct word choice
apply
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,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 do not charge
people
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of charging
people
Use synonyms
 for entrance
admission
Use synonyms
 outweigh its drawbacks. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will provide reasons in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
. There are many advantages of charging
people
Use synonyms
. The main one is that
museums
Use synonyms
 could spend the money received
for
Change preposition
on
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entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
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, maintenance,
preservations
Fix the agreement mistake
preservation
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 and renovation museum’s
artifacts
Use the right word
artefacts
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 they could pay a part of
Correct article usage
the employer
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employer
Replace the word
employees
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 and
guardian’s
Check wording
guardians’
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 with
charges
Correct article usage
the charges
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 they received. The second
pros
Fix the agreement mistake
pro
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 of paying entrance is that
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of visiting
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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 because of
money
Correct article usage
the money
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people
Use synonyms
 pay
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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consequently
Linking Words
, they
Verb problem
place value
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value more
Correct word order
more value
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for
Change preposition
on
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 their
hours
Check wording
time
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 and
fortune
Check wording
money
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. A
finial
Use the right word
final
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 advantage is number of visitors
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 interested
people
Use synonyms
 could have a better visit experience
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
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 they
have
Verb problem
do
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 not
to
Verb problem
have to
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 wait many hours in
crowded
Correct article usage
the crowded
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Use synonyms
admission’s
Check wording
admission
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 line. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, there are
also
Linking Words
 disadvantages of charging
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
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 reach
museums
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 individuals must pay for museum’s visit, some
such
Linking Words
 as, students and poor
people
Use synonyms
 could not going
museums
Use synonyms
 because they have to pay for principal and important journal costs
although
Linking Words
,
museums
Use synonyms
 are national and cultural heritage and everybody should be able reach them easily;
therefore
Linking Words
 when they are not free for all of
people
Use synonyms
, fundamental right is denied to them In conclusion, charging
people
Use synonyms
 to access
Use synonyms
museums
Fix the agreement mistake
museum
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admission
Use synonyms
 has many advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as revenue resource for
museums
Use synonyms
;
Punctuation problem
,
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create
Wrong verb form
creating
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 more interest for some,
maintenance
Replace the word
and maintaining
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museums
Use synonyms
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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 it causes some difficulties for poor
people
Use synonyms
. I think it is quite normal these days to pay
Use synonyms
museums fee
Fix the agreement mistake
museum fees
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 like other hobbies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the pros of
charge
Replace the word
charging
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 for
admission
Use synonyms
 outweigh its cons.

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content development
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it the same idea in all parts of the essay.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect, for example, 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'Therefore'.
grammar
Use short, simple sentence patterns. Avoid long and complex sentences.
lexis
Check spelling and word form (for example, 'entrance' is correct, not 'enterance').
content
The idea that charging for museums can fund upkeep is clear.
structure
You show a view and a plan to argue for it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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