IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People have different views about whether to award
students
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 by their academic
performance
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 or their level of achievement in
schools
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. Despite the drawbacks of only rewarding one but not the other, I believe it is equally important to provide a reward for
students
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 in both situations. There are several reasons to address why
schools
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 should award
students
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 who have achieved outstanding marks.
Firstly
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, supporting
students
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 with scholarships may encourage them to strive for their best. The introduction of scholarships will significantly motivate
students
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, especially those who live in rural areas and have insufficient credit to enter
schools
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. Another reason is that
this
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 can be a driver for other
students
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 to develop. If
students
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 can develop their level of
performance
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 by learning the best from their peers, they will be more likely to secure a job after their graduation.
Nevertheless
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, there are some advantages to giving prizes to
students
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 making significant progress. The most important one is to build their confidence.
Although
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students
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 may have different
performance
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 in the same classroom learning the same course, supporting those with improvements will dramatically boost their confidence among the best in-class performers.
Furthermore
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, incentives can
also
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 provide a sense of belonging for
students
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 in
schools
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. By giving prizes like M&Ms or Mars, the educational department creates a supportive environment for
students
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 , even if they improve slowly.
This
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 fosters the equity comparable to those who achieve the best results , leading to a sense of belonging within the group. Given the arguments above,
schools
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 could allocate 60% rewards to top achievers and 40% to most-improved
students
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 to ensure the best
performance
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.

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task
State both views clearly and then give your own view no matter what. Add a specific line that shows your stance.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Start a new idea with words like 'also', 'but', 'in addition' or 'however' to show how ideas connect.
content
Give more details or example for each reason so readers can see your point.
content
The essay shows both sides and your own view.
structure
You give reasons for each side and a plan for how rewards could be split.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reward
  • students
  • academic
  • results
  • improvements
  • encourages
  • performance
  • motivates
  • role models
  • confidence
  • effort
  • progress
  • grades
  • balanced approach
  • education
  • thrive
  • pressure
  • support
  • acknowledgment
  • keep going
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