IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the causes people do this. Do you think this is a good thing or bad thing?”

It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 noticeable trend that aged
people
Use synonyms
, especially women, use different
methods
Use synonyms
 to look younger so that they can be more attractive.
Although
Linking Words
 there is nothing wrong with
this
Linking Words
, some
methods
Use synonyms
 can be at least dangerous to health.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
youth
Use synonyms
 is considered attractive and why an achievement
such
Linking Words
 a form can be harmful. It is the natural rules that
youth
Use synonyms
 means fertility, activity and so on. Getting old,
people
Use synonyms
 think they are not interesting
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 potential partners or the audience anymore because of signs of age,
such
Linking Words
 as wrinkles.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who are older than 30 years use different tools to keep their appearance young. The approach to keeping
youth
Use synonyms
 can include
such
Linking Words
methods
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 as taking dietary supplements, using special ointments and in some cases even having plastic surgery. Talking about the
last
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 one,
although
Linking Words
 the risk can exceed the benefits, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 make decisions to undergo surgery. The great example is Michael Jackson, who underwent so large number of surgeries so that his appearance became unrecognisable, and
moreover
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, it caused him skin problems. So, not all
methods
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 of keeping
youth
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 are the same in terms of safety. Sum up, if a person is considered young, it is more likely that he or she addresses a relationship with someone else, and
this
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 is the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 try to look as young as possible.
Although
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 there are plenty of different approaches, in my opinion, plastic surgery is the most extreme and dangerous.
Thus
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, personally, I reckon that
people
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 are not supposed to risk their lives
due to
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 appearance.

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task
Plan your essay with a clear path: open with a statement of purpose, then two or three points about causes, and a clear stance on whether this is good or bad. Keep one idea per paragraph.
coherence
Make your links clearer. Use words such as 'also', 'however', 'for example' to join ideas.
structure
Use an introductory sentence that states your plan and a conclusion that repeats your view.
content
Support each main point with a specific detail or example. Avoid general claims.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence flow to avoid long, unclear sentences.
task
The essay tries to answer the task and gives a view on the topic.
coherence
There is a clear focus on why people may want to look younger.
content
A real example is used to illustrate a safety point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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