In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

The competition revolution is accelerating. It has been seen that in some cultures,

people

push their children to participate more in activities that include competition between each other.

Although

this

trend presents some benefits, I believe that the disadvantages associated with it are far greater. Competition between the friends has a number of disadvantages. To start, they have to carry the burden of peer pressure and to win from others at all times. Sometimes,

this

will often lead to underperform. For instance, if a best friend is competing against each other,

therefore

, they cannot enjoy the task to the fullest and a spark to win will get dull as one might want to win with his/her mate rather than against them.

Moreover

, we could easily see rifts in friendships if the partners started participating against each other.

This

will certainly decrease the companionship and marriage rates as

people

will stop helping others in case of urgent need even and

subsequently

people

will get lonelier day by day. Despite these significant disadvantages,

competitive

Correct article usage

the competitive

show examples

nature brings some positive aspects as well. First of all, some

people

would excel better not only academically but

also

professionally under pressure.

This

is because they see the participation and urge to get good scores from each other from a positive approach.

However

, prolonged participation may have adverse effects.

Secondly

, peer pressure leads to a motivating nature which could help one in the future because

people

get used to the routine of practicing and competing with each other from the early stage of their lives.

To conclude

however

, these practices will lead to certain disruptions in relationships but

people

have to overcome them participating in various tasks against each other in some cultures will lead that community to become a less prosperous part of the country.

This

is why I believe that the drawbacks clearly outweigh the benefits.

Submitted by saniyakalsi3736 on Wed Apr 10 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear position throughout, which is excellent. To further enhance task achievement, ensure each paragraph focuses on expanding individual points with more diverse examples. This gives your essay depth and a richer perspective.

coherence & cohesion

You've structured your essay logically, with a discernible introduction and conclusion. To boost coherence, work on linking ideas more smoothly within paragraphs. Transition words or phrases can help your essay flow better and connect ideas more seamlessly.

task achievement

You've done a good job of identifying both the advantages and disadvantages of competition among children, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

coherence & cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position, reinforcing your argument and providing a clear closure to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays, technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

As a result of electronic invention such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent so you agree or disagree?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult.