In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

The competition revolution is accelerating. It has been seen that in some cultures,

people

push their children to participate more in activities that include competition between each other.

Although

this

trend presents some benefits, I believe that the disadvantages associated with it are far greater. Competition between the friends has a number of disadvantages. To start, they have to carry the burden of peer pressure and to win from others at all times. Sometimes,

this

will often lead to underperform. For instance, if a best friend is competing against each other,

therefore

, they cannot enjoy the task to the fullest and a spark to win will get dull as one might want to win with his/her mate rather than against them.

Moreover

, we could easily see rifts in friendships if the partners started participating against each other.

This

will certainly decrease the companionship and marriage rates as

people

will stop helping others in case of urgent need even and

subsequently

people

will get lonelier day by day. Despite these significant disadvantages,

competitive

Correct article usage

the competitive

show examples

nature brings some positive aspects as well. First of all, some

people

would excel better not only academically but

also

professionally under pressure.

This

is because they see the participation and urge to get good scores from each other from a positive approach.

However

, prolonged participation may have adverse effects.

Secondly

, peer pressure leads to a motivating nature which could help one in the future because

people

get used to the routine of practicing and competing with each other from the early stage of their lives.

To conclude

however

, these practices will lead to certain disruptions in relationships but

people

have to overcome them participating in various tasks against each other in some cultures will lead that community to become a less prosperous part of the country.

This

is why I believe that the drawbacks clearly outweigh the benefits.

Submitted by saniyakalsi3736 on Wed Apr 10 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a clear position throughout, which is excellent. To further enhance task achievement, ensure each paragraph focuses on expanding individual points with more diverse examples. This gives your essay depth and a richer perspective.

coherence & cohesion

You've structured your essay logically, with a discernible introduction and conclusion. To boost coherence, work on linking ideas more smoothly within paragraphs. Transition words or phrases can help your essay flow better and connect ideas more seamlessly.

task achievement

You've done a good job of identifying both the advantages and disadvantages of competition among children, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

coherence & cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position, reinforcing your argument and providing a clear closure to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some cultures, children are encouraged to compete against each other. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Many small businesses are being forced to close because they cannot compete with multinational corporations. what problem does this cause, and how can those problems be solved?

You recently applied for two separate jobs. Both have chosen to hire you, but you must write a letter to one of them explaining why you are unable to take the position. Include in your letter: – An apology – An explanation of your situation

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful in persuading us to buy things. Other people believe that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people think that money is the best gift to give a teenager, but others disagree. Discuss both the views and give your opinion including relevant examples.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+