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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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These days, some managers in several countries believe that
experience
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 has more benefits than knowledge in the workplace.
While
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 there are some merits of workers who have a lot of
experience
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, I still think that these cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, there are various benefits for workers who have
experience
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.
Firstly
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, if you have more
experience
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; in fact, you have seen so many different happenings and know the reason;
therefore
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, you can handle new happenings better than new workers.
For example
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, I have cooked for 10 years, and when my food is salty I know how can I change it to really delicious food.
Secondly
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, there is something that you must to do understand it. To illustrate, my master's designed a Distillation tower by Aspen Hysys. One time he designed a tower, but the real tower surfaces were not the same as Aspen Hysys data. Later he could solve problems with his
experience
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.
On the other hand
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, the downsides of
experience
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 are varied. when you study one category;
as a result
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, you solve matters better with high efficiency.
For instance
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, when NASA wanted to send a spaceship to space they needed some data, and the
experience
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 did not help them cache data, but math could help it to send with less danger.
In other words
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, if you have knowledge about something you can find an issue very soon. Namely, in the refinery when we have a problem Engineers with math can find the main questions. In conclusion, it appears to me that the demerits of
experience
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 cannot eclipse the good point. By the way,
experience
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 is able to help companies to solve their problem, yet cannot be helping really well.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with more detailed examples or evidence. Slightly expanding on the details can enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on eliminating minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'salty food' should be 'when my food is salty, I know how to make it delicious.'
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between ideas. This can help improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the position on the topic, providing a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
The essay includes a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, showcasing good task response.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer's stance, providing closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • workplace
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • mentor
  • colleagues
  • innovation
  • stagnation
  • traditional methods
  • recent graduates
  • theoretical knowledge
  • diversity
  • viewpoints
  • proven ability
  • stability
  • industries
  • technology
  • adaptation
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