IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is sometimes argued that dangerous
sports
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 should be banned. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view. It is understandable why some believe that the government should forbid extreme
sports
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. Perhaps the key reason for
this
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 is that
this
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kind
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 of
sport
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 may harm players. But
this
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 is not as sound as it seems because when
people
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 choose
this
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kind
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 of
sport
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, they are prepared and equipped with the safety gear.
Although
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 extreme
sports
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 may have a high risk of death.
For instance
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, skydiving players make mistakes when jumping or using a parachute, and they may face a fatal result. But even with
this
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 high risk of death,
sports
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 lovers still choose
this
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kind
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 of
sport
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 because it makes them feel excited and interesting
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they do an adventure.
In addition
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, banning the extreme
sport
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 may harm human rights.
This
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 is mainly because
people
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 have the right to choose anything they love to play. When
people
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 choose dangerous
sports
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, they fully understand the danger of these activities , so they all prepare.
Besides
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 that , many professors of adventure
sports
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 can make a huge income each time
people
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 use their services.
For example
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, an expert of sky diving can make 2,000 dollars for one time jump and land successfull.
This
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kind
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 of
sport
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 creates job opportunities for those who love danger and adventure. In conclusion, there is much evidence to prove that extreme
sports
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 should not be banned because of their high risk of injuries. But there are many ways to enhance the safety of
this
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sport
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view at the start and keep it in all parts of the essay.
task response
Give more clear reasons and a real counter view to show you know both sides.
task response
Add more specific examples and explain them.
coherence
Use better links between ideas, with words like also, but, however.
coherence
Make one idea for each paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Make sure each example fits the point and adds to the view.
position
The writer states a clear view early.
evidence
There are real points about risk and money in sport.
aim
The ending mentions a plan to make safety better.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
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