Are outdoor recreational activities good for a person’s health?Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

A vast number of humans think that outdoor
activities
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help individuals improve themself. I totally agree with
this
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opinion.
This
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essay will examine
view
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apply
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and explain why I lean towards the letter. There are two reasons why I argue
outdoor
Correct word choice
that outdoor
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activities
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help develop the health of humans.
To begin
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with, with the employees of the office, outdoor
activities
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help reduce stress. Now, there are many people who feel tired and bored when they
might
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apply
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sit
everyday
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every day
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and around them are four walls. They will be uncomfortable
and
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, and
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work
quality
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will decrease. There are several
activities
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to recover energy
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such
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, such
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as badminton, baseball, and pickleball. Players are happy
and
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, and
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it reduces the rate of disease related to
skeleton
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the skeleton
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. Another reason can be that I believe that outdoor
activities
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have better sleep
quality
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because they play sports, people waste their health, and when individuals
ought
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have
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to work
full
Correct article usage
a full
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day, sleep
quality
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is good.
Moreover
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,
this
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situation helps them have more energy, and they will eat as much food as before. Better sleep
quality
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provides an intelligent
brain storm
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brainstorm
show examples
and flexible
activities
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.
For instance
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, I have a friend who is
losed
Correct your spelling
losing
sleep, and
joined
Verb problem
has joined
show examples
activities
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they
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, they
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have become more active and have a deeper sleep. In conclusion, outdoor
activities
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help mental health develop
and
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, and
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people should remain and join more
activities
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.
Moreover
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, engaging in
activities
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with colleagues makes connection and knowledge
themself
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itself
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.

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grammar
Use simpler sentences and fix many grammar errors that block meaning.
structure
State a clear plan in the first paragraph and keep to it.
coherence
Have one idea per paragraph with a link to the next idea.
content
Give one or two strong examples and explain how they show the idea.
content
The writer takes a clear side and shows what they think.
content
Staying on the topic of stress and sleep links to health.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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