IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many museums charge for admission, while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Museums
 are a great source of knowledge in societies. Many
museums
 charge a hefty
amount
 as an
entrance
fee
,
however
 others do not. There are some individuals who argue that entry into these educational institutes should be free of cost to serve society better. I believe that charging a nominal
amount
 as an
entrance
fee
 can be beneficial in many ways. Undeniably, charging a hefty
amount
 to visitors has some negative effects.
Firstly
, it deprives people of lack in opportunity to access most of the vital information about history, art and science.
Secondly
, paying an
entrance
fee
 can be the major factor to
affect
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the popularity of a museum over others, despite having many artefacts. Many citizens will start flinching from visiting these institutions
due to
 the
entrance
 charges.
This
 may eventually put the existence of
museums
 at stake. Despite having a few drawbacks,
entrance
 charges can be beneficial in many ways. Most prominently, museum authorities can use the
entrance
fee
amount
 for many purposes.
For instance
, time-to-time renovation costs, electricity charges, safety and security costs to operate these institutions properly.
Moreover
,
this
 has been noticed in the past that many times the governments fail to meet the requirements of these institutions.
However
, by charging an
entrance
fee
,
museums
 can have their own revenue to keep the place clean and attractive to get more visitors.
To conclude
, charging
entrance
 fees for
museums
 can attract negative remarks from some people. I think placing a nominal
amount
 on visitors can be beneficial in many ways for
museums
.
Submitted by angelacalcaterra46 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, as this helps to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Some concepts within the essay could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow in certain parts of the essay. Some points can be connected better to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well supported with enough reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: