Surveillance cameras in bank, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the work place and in public, but they are also a tool for their users to spy on people’s private business. What problems do the use of Surveillance cameras create? Are there any solution? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the epoch of globalization, the security system has been enhanced. A
lot
of contemporary gadgets have been involved. Surveillance
cameras
are imposed in banks, shops, offices and streets. It helped the police to alleviate the proportion of the crimes in many areas.
However
, a
lot
of individuals exploit it in an inferior way. In
this
essay, I will elaborate on the hazards of
this
technology and what is the proper solution for it. To commence with,
this
machine can generate a
lot
of issues.
Firstly
, It can be used
in-store
Change preposition
for in-store
show examples
clothes. A
lot
of sick people put the
cameras
in the dressing room. After that, they publish the photos on sites or share them with their friends.
This
phenomenon has surpassed in low-developed countries, namely India and Egypt. The females are terrified to enter a
lot
of stores , especially in local areas.Probing ahead, when their relatives and peers know that
this
issue happened, they demolish the store and sometimes they kill the owner of the camera. One immediate practical solution is to make these
cameras
monitored by the cops. They are trusted by the citizens and will not utilise it in a bad way.
Furthermore
, when anyone is going to purchase a security camera, they should write an undertaking on their selves,
otherwise
, they will be jailed and will be charged with a massive fine. Moving
further
, there should be a system that ensures the data will be automatically deleted. In a nutshell, the government should play a vital role in
this
situation. Rough penalties should be imposed on anyone who is going to disobey the law. People should be aware of the places of the
cameras
and watch if their it is found in bathrooms or dressing rooms.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both the problems created by surveillance cameras and offering potential solutions. However, the ideas could be developed further with more detailed explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. The essay could flow more naturally with better linking phrases and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by clearly stating the main topic and what will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and offers a solid final thought on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: