IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

In today's contemporary world,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming less active, which is causing many issues. Today
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 modern
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is making
people
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 more lazy. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be discussing the
problems
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 and solutions to the above problem.
To begin
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 with,
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Although
Fix capitalization
although
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 technology
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 provided many facilities to
people
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it has many drawbacks as well.
Firstly
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, poor
lifestyle
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 and long working hours are the main causes.
Due to
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 long sitting positions and not getting proper sleep,
people
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 often struggle with improper physical structure and
imbalanced
Correct article usage
an imbalanced
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lifestyle
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.
Moreover
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, individuals are suffering from weight
problems
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such
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 as obesity or weight gain.
People
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 nowadays are having anxiety and depression. Some are
also
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 suffering from many severe heart conditions. In a recent survey conducted in 2020, it was recorded that 3 out of 5 children are suffering from
obese
Replace the word
obesity
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conditons
Correct your spelling
conditions
due to
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 improper diet and not playing outdoors. To mitigate these
problems
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, reasonable steps can be taken.
For example
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;
Punctuation problem
,
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Every
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 society should own a free gym for its residents. Regular health camps should be conducted once
in
Change preposition
apply
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a year. Yoga camps should be promoted for all age groups.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should invest in more open playgrounds for children. Competitions
such
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 as running or
marathon
Fix the agreement mistake
marathons
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 can be conducted to promote
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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lifestyle
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. Therapy sessions should be done where
people
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 can talk about their sufferings. In conclusion, it is right to say, even though modern
lifestyle
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 has made our
easy
Correct word choice
lives easier
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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it has
also
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 given many unwanted
problems
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
People
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 and governments should go hand in hand to solve these
problems
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 and lead a healthy
lifestyle
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.

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grammar and accuracy
Fix many grammar and word errors. Use 'has' with 'technology' and spell words correctly. Use full stops and spaces. Use short, simple sentences to keep clear meaning.
structure
Make the plan and order clear. Start with a short view, then give the problem, then give fix ideas. Finish with a short answer.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words: 'first', 'also', 'then', 'however', 'in addition'. Use one idea per paragraph and connect them with clear sentences.
content
Use more exact examples to support each idea. If you mention a fact, say it simply and clearly. Keep to facts that fit the task.
vocabulary
Check word choice. Use 'weight gain' or 'too much fat' instead of 'obesity' to stay in simple words. Keep spelling and punctuation neat.
content
The essay shows an attempt to cover both problems and a range of fixes.
structure
There is some clear reference to the idea of more activity like gym use and games.
lexical
Some topic words are used that fit the task aim.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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