IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Music
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 plays an important role in our society.
And some
Correct word choice
Some
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people
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 believe that
people
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, no matter what age, from different parts, can learn about their culture by enjoying
music
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. From my perspective, I think
this
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 viewpoint is reasonable. The most obvious reason why I support
this
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 opinion is that
music
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 as a world language can deliver
people
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's abundant emotion through the variety of the rhythm. Every nation has its own
music
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 style that relies on the setting when the composer created the
music
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 so that
people
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 can learn about different histories and cultures by listening
music
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's rhythm. If
people
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 want to gain more information by other methods combining listening to
music
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, is a better way. More importantly, another reason is that
music
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 can activate
people
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's hearing, so it can help children and adults with multiple feelings to absorb knowledge and information. At the same time, some rhythms are easy to mimic, so
this
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 way is
beneificial
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beneficial
 to widespreading the culture from mouth to mouth. When
music
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 can be widespread, it gives some nations more opportunities to
do
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apply
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expand their influence and become popular.
Furthermore
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, enjoying
music
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 depends on
people
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's emotions, and everybody has feelings like happiness, sadness, excitement, and so on.
This
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 means, that when
people
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 feel annoyed, rock
music
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 might be a good choice to wound their moods, which has nothing with on age.  In conclusion, as what has been illustrated above, my position can be justified to some extent.
Therefore
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, I believe
music
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 is a good method to deliver the world culture and every age can absorb it.
This
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 point is reasonable.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. Avoid unrelated digressions.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
general
Be mindful of grammar and vocabulary usage to enhance readability and comprehension. For instance, 'combining listening to music' can be rephrased for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task achievement
You present a complete response to the prompt, addressing the idea that music can bring people of different cultures and ages together.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and presented in a logical sequence, making it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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