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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that, to learn about other countries, traveling abroad is necessary while others think that is not necessary because TV and the internet can give the same information. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, some
people
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 have pursued travelling abroad by using their electronic devices.
However
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, other
people
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 assert that it is more important to travel to other
countries
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 firsthand rather than just seeing them in the media.
For
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this
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 reason, I firmly believe that travelling firsthand to many
countries
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 is necessary for the precious experiences and easier to learn.
Firstly
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, other
countries
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 abroad directly play an important role in the chance of gaining
experience
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. Unlike the internet, which presents information passively, learning directly requires sustained attention and active engagement.
For example
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, direct
experience
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 not only expands an individual's personal growth but is
also
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 more memorable.
Additionally
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, it helps
people
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 to learn about other
countries
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' cultures deeply through experiencing them directly.
On the other hand
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, TV and the internet can provide equal data. Educational documentaries,
for instance
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, can illustrate specific information more easily than experiencing it firsthand.
Nevertheless
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, it is much
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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different to learn about other
countries
Use synonyms
 by just looking at the media and experiencing it directly. To
experience
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 firsthand gives
people
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 a sense of accomplishment and purpose, thereby broadening their horizons. In conclusion,
although
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 the internet and television may provide some educational value, from a longer-term perspective, it is more critical to go and
experience
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 the culture of that country firsthand. Travelling abroad not only strengthens personal growth but
also
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 broadens perspectives.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should promote their
chance
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chances
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 to learn about other
countries
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 directly.

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improvement
Your answer follows the task and shows your view. To have a higher score, add more clear ideas for both sides and give real, simple examples.
structure
Use shorter sentences and break long ideas into small parts so the reading is easy.
language
Check grammar and word use. Some phrases sound odd. Use plain words and simple grammar.
tip
Repeat the main idea in the end to show you meet the task.
structure
There is a clear view and a good start and finish.
argument
Shows both sides of the issue.
content
Some good reasons and ideas are used.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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