IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think lawbreakers should be sent to prisons while others claim they should be made to work in communities. Discuss both and give your opinion.

It is debated whether
people
Use synonyms
 who break the law should go to
prison
Use synonyms
 or
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be forced to work in communities.
However
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that some criminals deserve to work in communities, but high-level criminals do not deserve
this
Linking Words
chance
Use synonyms
. On one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think putting away lawbreakers in
prison
Use synonyms
 is a better method because they think that all
felons
Use synonyms
 need to face severe punishment for their wrongdoings.
For example
Linking Words
, someone
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is accused of sexual assault shouldn't have the
chance
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 to go free and be given a second
chance
Use synonyms
 at enjoying life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 reached
this
Linking Words
 conclusion since they caused trauma to the victims they hurt
while
Linking Words
 they were
doing
Verb problem
committing
show examples
 the
crime
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. A prime example would be someone
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is charged with sexual assault because he/she deeply scarred the victim for life and might go on to develop mental disorders
such
Linking Words
 as PTSD.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 see sending lawbreakers to
prison
Use synonyms
 as a pointless and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ineffective move
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it costs a huge amount of money. Reports have shown that half of most of every country's debt is from prisons.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 think that there is a huge possibility that criminals who were sent to
prison
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 go out
go
Verb problem
will go
show examples
 on to do another
crime
Use synonyms
 that will send them back to
prison
Use synonyms
. The New York Times reported that 62% of
felons
Use synonyms
 who get out of
prison
Use synonyms
 go on to repeat the
crime
Use synonyms
again
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Another statistic based in the Netherlands shows that the
crime
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 rate was reduced by 20% after they demolished several prisons.
This
Linking Words
 shows that sending
people
Use synonyms
 to
prison
Use synonyms
 is a waste of resources. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that low- and mid-level
felons
Use synonyms
 should have the
chance
Use synonyms
 to work in communities.
However
Linking Words
, high-level
felons
Use synonyms
 deserve to receive severe punishment,
such
Linking Words
 as going to
prison
Use synonyms
 or receiving the death penalty.

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task
Give more full ideas on each side with clear links between points. Add simple evidence or examples that fit well.
coherence
Make the flow of ideas smoother. Use clear steps: intro, two body parts, and a short end.
coherence
State your view clearly in the intro and again in the conclusion in one strong line.
vocabulary
Use short sentences and common words. This helps the reader get your point fast.
accuracy
Be careful with facts. If you use a stat, say where it comes from or keep it simple and general.
task
The essay shows both sides and gives an opinion.
coherence
There are link words to show contrast.
coherence
It has an intro and a conclusion.
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