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Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts below show changes in world population by region between 1910 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show changes in world population by region between 1910 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrations
compares
Correct subject-verb agreement
compare
show examples
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of residents in the
world
Use synonyms
 among seven regions, between the years 1910
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 increased from the
year
Use synonyms
 1910 by approximately four billion three hundred million.
Overall
Linking Words
, in both of the pie
charts
Punctuation problem
charts,
show examples
 Asia remains the largest
population
Use synonyms
engaging
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in the final outcome of the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
's amount. In the
year
Use synonyms
 1910, Asia
accommodates
Verb problem
accounted
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an estimated 60% of the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 Asia's
population
Use synonyms
 decreased by 14%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, Europe
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
Russia
Punctuation problem
Russia,
show examples
takes
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 up 25% of the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 1910.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in the
year
Use synonyms
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 Europe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and Russia decreased by 11%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, North
America
Use synonyms
,
Africa
Use synonyms
,
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
,
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East,
Noth
Use the right word
North
show examples
Africa
Use synonyms
, and others followed the opposite trend.
While
Linking Words
 North
America
Use synonyms
 endured a steady
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
constent
Correct your spelling
consistent
population
Use synonyms
 consisting of 5% of the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 throughout the years 1910
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and 2010.
Similarly
Linking Words
, other countries
remained
Verb problem
accounted
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
take up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
3% of the
overall
Linking Words
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 in both pie charts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the Middle East
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and North
Africa
Use synonyms
 made an
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
 in the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
 accommodations in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010, taking up an average of 6% of the
world
Use synonyms
's
population
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
Africa
Punctuation problem
Africa,
show examples
 escalated
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010.
While
Linking Words
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
occupies
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
 3% of the
world
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 1910,
Latin
Use synonyms
America
Use synonyms
 increased by 5% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010.
As well as
Linking Words
Africa
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 increased by 6% in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with, overall, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words world, year, population, america, africa, latin with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remains" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • world
  • population
  • region
  • share
  • part
  • pie chart
  • year
  • 1910
  • 2010
  • Asia
  • Africa
  • Europe
  • the Americas
  • Oceania
  • increase
  • rise
  • grow
  • grew
  • growth
  • decrease
  • fall
  • change
  • pattern
  • trend
  • move
  • shift
  • largest
  • smallest
  • more
  • less
  • by
  • in
  • to
  • than
  • overall
  • notable
  • significant
  • stable
  • steady
  • clear
  • big
  • small
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