IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teenagers should always follow the example of the older people. Others believe that teenagers should question what older people say. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
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 some
people
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 think that
adolecents
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adolescents
 should always follow the
example
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 of
olders
Correct your spelling
older
, others
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people, others
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belive
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believe
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 that teenagers ought to question what elderly
people
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 tell them.
Both
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 perspectives have valid points. I will discuss them before exposing my personal opinion. On the one hand, parents usually tell their children to listen to their elders, because they are wiser
people
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, with more experience, and it
also
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 makes them more respectful. Many times, they believe that if teenagers imitate certain actions of the
person
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, it will lead them to the same place.
Although
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 it is positive that,
for
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example
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, a son imitates his father's responsibility, he cannot take the
person
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 as an
example
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 and be like him, even worse if it is by obligation. Follow the
example
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 of an older
person
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just
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, just
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 because they've lived longer isn't enough. There should always be room for questioning.
On the other hand
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,
It
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it
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 is crucial for teenagers to acquire a mindset that allows them to
both
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,
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apply
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 learn from their elders and question what they are told. Adolescents who follow strict and unquestionable rules
,
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apply
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 tend to adopt closed-minded
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that prevent them from expressing themselves and being themselves,
whereas
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 young
people
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 raised more permissively
,
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apply
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 grew up freer and more open to discussing diverse opinions in a respectful manner. I think a teenager should be able to balance
both
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,
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;
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 they should be open to taking advice from an older
person
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,
as well as
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 being able to think critically and reject discourse that doesn't align with their values.
To conclude
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, there are redeemable points from
both
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 perspectives: on the one hand, being able to respect and take into consideration someone older than you, and on the other, having the ability to think for yourself.
However
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, I believe that it is more important to learn to question and develop critical thinking,
instead
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 of following the
example
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 of someone older who could be wrong.

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Task response
You show a clear view in the end and a balanced talk of both sides. To raise mark, add more deep thoughts and more real life examples.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one idea. Use simple linking words to show order, like first, then, also, but, however.
Coherence and cohesion
Good overall plan with intro, two body parts, and a clear ending
Task response
Clear stance in the last part
Coherence and cohesion
Talks about both sides in a fair way

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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