IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Politicians are more responsible for protection of the environment than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that Governments
are
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apply
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have more duty for the preservation of the
environment
Use synonyms
 than individuals. In
this
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 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 would partly disagree with
this
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 statement and
analyze
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analyse
show examples
 my opinion. On the one hand, authorities play
an
Correct article usage
a
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 significant role in
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
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 of the ecosystems because they have enough foundation to do that work
which
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, which
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 they can launch a law for the community which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 benefits for the country in that field.
Furthermore
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, they could use the financial support for some campaigns like planting more trees and recycling
the
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apply
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trash.
For example
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, the politicians can hold some events for
people
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like
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, like
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 changing
the
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apply
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garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
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 into plants
,
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;
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therefore
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, many households can have more trees in their
home
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homes
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 or plant more trees in their
neighborhood
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neighbourhoods
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 to make the
environment
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 fresher.
On the other hand
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, not only governments, but
people
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also
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 have their responsibilities with the
environment
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 that they should raise their awareness about the preservation of
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
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which
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, which
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 would bring
to
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apply
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them a healthy life.
Besides
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, they can create a volunteer club that
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
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 the
environment
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at
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in
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 their own hometown
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, that
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 would
give
Verb problem
be
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 a good factor to gain a fresh ecosystem. To illustrate, in Vietnam, they have a volunteer club called Saigon Xanh, they tend to go to clean all the trash
among
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along
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 the river in Vietnam and invent some kind of product that
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
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 the
environment
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. In conclusion, authorities and individuals should share the responsibility in protecting the
environment
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, because only when we work together
,
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apply
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we can
Correct word order
can we
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 gain more
successful
Replace the word
success
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 or increase
the
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apply
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productivity.
In addition
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, government use their potential to help the
environment
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,
while
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,
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apply
show examples
people
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 can help
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
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by
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with
show examples
 their power.

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task response
Be clear about your view in the first paragraph and state it again in the end. Make a small plan and follow it.
coherence cohesion
Try to use simple links to show how ideas are related (for example: because, so, but, also). Use shorter sentences and have one main idea in each sentence.
examples
Give one or two strong examples and explain how they back the point. Keep the facts simple and easy to see.
structure
The essay tries to show both sides, not just one.
content
There is a real example from life (Saigon Xanh) to support a point.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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