IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reason for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, more individuals are hiring a personal fitness mentor than participating in exercise classes. From my viewpoint, there are factors that are included in
this
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 regard,
such
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 as being a celebrity or having physical injuries.
Moreover
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, I contemplate that it is a positive development. In the following, I am going to discuss it in detail. First and foremost, having any health issue entails hiring a personal trainer; not only can
this
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 person help us in doing some specialised workouts for our injured parts to be ameliorated, but
also
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 can guide us in doing exercise more correctly and precisely.
For example
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, I had a bad accident one year ago, and after that, my knee pains most of the time, in
such
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 a way that my physician suggested I do some special workouts to strengthen my quadriceps to decrease the pressure on the knee,
then
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 I hired a personal trainer.
In addition
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, it is customary that celebrities always have a private tutor, inasmuch as they want to do workouts professionally.
For example
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, people like Jennifer Lopez who have a private mentor. Apart from all, almost all champions have a private mentor as well to work with them at a high level. From my point of view, having a private instructor is so beneficial. You can work both professionally and specialised.
Besides
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, more time will be allocated to every user, and the quality of the plan will be enhanced significantly , so it would be a good idea. In conclusion, nowadays a lot of the crowd prefer an individual coach based on some reason, as I mentioned before, it is a positive development,and the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

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structure
Plan four clear parts: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Let each body have one main idea and a short example.
task response
State a clear view in the intro, then repeat it in the conclusion. Add a brief summary of the reasons.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit. Start new ideas with a topic sentence in each paragraph.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Some phrases are odd. Use simple, correct forms.
content
Add more real and varied examples to show the point is common, not only a few cases.
stance
The writer shows a clear view that hiring a fitness coach is good.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion, and some examples are used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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