Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some individuals argue that the atmosphere at academic places is too contested and it will have a bad impact on a person, but others think that it helps their child pursue their dreams. In my view, a clash should be well-controlled, for reasons that I will outline in the following essay. On the one hand, a healthy level of championship can make studying more engaging and enjoyable.
For instance
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, many teachers turn lessons into games or quizzes, which encourages students to participate actively and gives them a sense of achievement when they perform well.
However
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, when the clash becomes too intense, it may create unnecessary stress. Young children
in particular
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often struggle to separate play from real life. I remember a situation in primary school when I won a class quiz , and a classmate who came second became so upset that he tried to start a fight with me, but I ran away.
This
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shows how difficult it can be for children to control their emotions in competitive settings.
On the other hand
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, a championship
also
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helps students develop resilience and determination. Learning how to accept failure and try again is a valuable life skill
,
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apply
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because , in reality, not everyone can succeed on their first attempt.
For example
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, many influential people
such
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as Donald Trump, who had 8 million in debt and went bankrupt six times, and is now the president of the United States. In conclusion, championships in schools
is
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are
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necessary because they encourage motivation and confidence.
Nevertheless
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, it should be regulated carefully so that children can enjoy its benefits without suffering from excessive pressure.

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task
Task response: You talk about both sides and give your view, but the main idea is not clear in parts. Link each point to the prompt, and give a clear plan in the intro and a firm view in the end.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use helpful links to show how ideas fit. Make one main idea in each paragraph and stay on it. Use simple link words like also, but, and then, so.
content
You show both sides of the topic and give your own view.
structure
Intro gives the topic and your view, and the essay has a conclusion that repeats your view.
content
Some real examples are used to explain points in favor of a competitive part.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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